Being fans of sports and athletic contests, we here at deadman/party often wonder if our love would be quite as strong without Kernkraft 400 and the original jock jam: Rock’n Roll Part 2. Our musical sides marvel at the genius of giving rock and roll a part two (yes there is a part one and no, of course, it’s not nearly as good) and the simple beauty of drums and a chant that is far from–but just as good as–anything Enya every produced. Gary Glitter has a huge pile of hits that are close to the zen kohn of rock and roll. Probably the finest product of Bubblegum Glam Rock. Sure “48 crash” is an awesome song, but have you ever listened to a whole Suzi Quatro album? We tried. It’s just about the same with that Sweet record. Even Slade is hard for us. And all of you Alice Cooper fans can save your comments. We don’t care.
We do realize that we are now beering our second child molester and we are more than a little bit worried. What’s next? A tribute to Roman Polanski? Or Woody Allen? Shit. Okay, third child molester. Some of us do have significant others that are old enough to buy cigarettes. Honest. So let’s just forget how repulsive it is that Mr. Glitter likes little boys and girls: sexually. We will just talk about how honorable his determination to break the law is.
In the 80’s he was determined to be badass by driving drunk. It worked pretty well for Vince Neil. And not one time but three times! Sounds like a man that knows what he wants. This man is not only determined to make rock records or endanger the lives of others by piloting a very heavy piece of machinery whilst intoxicated, no. His warrior-like focus extends to all areas of his life, even those he would probably rather be private. In 1997 Mr. Glitter walked into his local PC World to get his laptop fixed and his fascination with pornographic pictures of children would be exposed. He was convicted in the United Kingdom around ’99 and sent to prison for four months. Not to be kept down, this horny old goat moved to Cambodia after his release. A place where he could perhaps be finally understood. But Mr. Glitter hopped a jet to Vietnam three short years later becuse he was simply trying to live his dream but again found himself in hot water because of the Vietnamese moral police. Did anyone know that it was illegal to have sex with eleven year old in Vietnam? Thailand was the next destination for our intrepid man of the world but before he could board the plane he was arrested by the Vietnamese authorities. And he spent three years in jail. After he got out and paid the hefty three hundred fifteen dollar fine he assumed he would find safe haven in the promised land of Thailand, only to be denied entry. Not one to be stopped by government, Mr. Glitter tried Hong Kong. No luck there either, nor in nine other countries that officially banned him. And so he disappeared into the ether in search of the illusive garden of earthly (underage) delights.
We fear that it may be a challenge to locate our man in order to buy him this beer. Our search will take us high and low, but we suspect that we shall find him in some outpost much like the bar in Raiders of the Lost Ark. We may have to outdrink Karen Black in order to get close to our tenacious hero, but if we can pull the young vagrants off him, the beer will taste glorious. Like the sweat sweet of an eleven year old?