Is there anyone on Earth that needs a beer more than this man? A beer and a shot? We here at deadman/party would be more than happy to buy the motherfucker the whole bar. Because we love the music. We wake up in the morning, sleepy and hop in the shower. While in that shower, getting all sudsy we know that we can throw any Michael Jackson single and our day just got happy. We could be on our way to a funeral but we would be farting unicorns and rainbows all the way to the cemetery. No other artist even comes close to this pinnacle of positivity.
And before you mention it, we are sick and tired of people bringing the whole molestation thing up. It is truly sad how often people find a Jay Leno cast-off joke wise. (And if you must, we would prefer a well timed OJ joke.) Time and time again we will be extolling the virtues of “Man in the Mirror” and some tired fuck will heave a big sigh, push their glasses up their nose and complain, “You know he touches kids. Also, wrestling is fake.” So he has probably touched some kids. Or he is probably feeling a little conflicted about wanting to touch some kids. But if you are gonna toss out your copy of Thriller because Michael Jackson is a pervert you best be prepared to toss out Who’s Next; Cats, Cops and Stuff; Ferris Bueler’s Day Off; The Frugal Gourmet Cooks with Wine; Howl and that Gary Glitter suit you’ve been wearing to church.
Leave the man alone and let us buy him a beer. He has been working hard and deserves a sholder to cry on. Let it be ours. And after the tears we can share a few choice words about the ladies in the place. What good times we will all have. As long as he keeps his hands above the bar.