David Lynch may be a little too weird and a little to college for us to offer him a beer (though this is amazing). Not that we would having anything against getting a beer with a midget, giant or one armed man by themselves but toasting the greatness of Fidelio with all three and Mr. Lynch in the middle of a red-draped taxidermy studio may be beyond our collective enjoyment at this moment. However we would much enjoy grabbing a cold one with his muse for the better part of a decade, Kyle MacLachlan.
Though we may have thought the first time we watched Blue Velvet that Mr. MacLachlan was nothing but a pretty face (amazingly pretty), we later came to understand that the wooden acting was a stylistic choice rather than a lack of ability. For watching him as Agent Dale Cooper we are consistently amused and drawn to his pretty, pretty face. And surely he is the only person besides Paul Verhoven involved in Showgirls that we could even tolerate for a second. How he let Elizabeth Berkely thrash about his muscled body without completely losing his shit is beyond us. Allow us at least one drink to salute his walking out of the premiere.
Outside of his career Mr. MacLachlan has a devotion to his dogs which is commendable. Though we at deadman/party would not condone the videos, voiceovers and website–which is enough to make your average Minnesotan, elastic waistband jean wearing, basket collecting mother blush–we all do love our four-legged friends and appreciate his devotion to them. And we also like that he at least pretends to run his own website and runs it with a humility rare in Hollywood. Also, he makes wine. Which is something all men pretend to want to do “if only we had the time.” The home brew kit we got last Christmas currently gathering dust in the corner is piffle compared to this awesome achievement.
Yes, it is obnoxious how hard he milks Twin Peaks to shill everything from canned coffee to Vodaphone. And we don’t much care for Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants or Desperate Housewives either. But he is so handsome. Even if he turns out to be obnoxious and megalomaniacal we could at least stare at those long eyelashes and listen to that soothing voice as we slowly sip our beers.