That Seth MacFarlane is wildy successful cannot be argued. That Seth MacFarlane is going to stick around the comedy scene awhile is fait accompli. That Seth MacFarlane cannot so much as write your run-of-the-mill rim job joke without toppling over because of his gigantic mandible is not controversial, and, hey, our hearts go out to him. (We here at deadman/party have all sorts of humongous body parts that make life tough.) However, it is plain wrong that the brain trust at Entertainment Weekly hails this fella as the smartest person on television, and for that we must punch hard to balance the cosmic scales.
Our problem? Family Guy relies so heavily on forumlae. Those madcap Family Guy writers must be paid by the number of pop culture references they can squeeze into a simile because they abound like blow at the annual Todd Bridges Presents West Virginia’s Sun-Kissed Cocaine Debutante Ball in Cocaine Valley, West Virginia; like Soleil Moon-Frye’s once-heaving bosom out of Kimmy Gibbler’s training bra (double lame reference bonus!); like genital warts on Andy Dick’s peeshooter (gutter humor + Andy Dick powerup incentive clause activated!). Punctuate that sentence with Toucan Sam squawking about being strung out on Fruit Loops and, along with twenty minutes of Peter battling a chicken or moaning over a skinned knee, you’ve got an episode in the books. Can we have our check, please?
Furthermore, the man strikes us as a real smug sonofagun, and it’s not just because he’s from New England. Here’s a pleasant way to spend a weekend: Check out Mr. MacFarlane’s MySpace page and see if you can count how many pictures of himself he managed to cram up in that shit. SPOILER ALERT: Since no human has the numeral proficiency to complete this task, NASA has several hundred networked supercomputers at Sandia National Laboratory outfitted with bleeding edge facial recognition software working on the answer, and honest to goodness the last time we checked they were still calculating.
When asked about comedy that other famous New Englander, the poet Robert Frost, sighed and said, “Nothing gold can stay lest it be a fart joke,” and, along with chowing down on a healthy slice of humble pie, MacFarlane would be wise to follow this advice. Go cold turkey on the showtunes, man, and give the 80s television stars a rest. Restore the natural order! Void more flatus on television and you shall enjoy life everlasting! Until then enjoy a hilariously timed punch to the breadbasket.